yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
two words...techno handjob
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
