I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
