please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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