my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
