She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
