im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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