So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
