Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
