what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
