What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
