It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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