just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
