It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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