anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
