No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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