i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
