You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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