dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
