I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
