We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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