your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
