I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He felt like a one man threesome
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
