Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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