I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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