There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
