He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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