Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
