i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Someone came in the potted fern
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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