She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
