You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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