Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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