You're my little dorito
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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