Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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