I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
