you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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