i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
