He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
