bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
