when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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