I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
