we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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