sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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