oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We left an ass print on the piano.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize