dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
