Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
