Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
