I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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