after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
