she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
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All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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