if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
