So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
