You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
