I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
