I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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