We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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