turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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