So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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