Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
being pregnant is like rehab
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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