Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
