your parents love me but you hate me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize