Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
