dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
