just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
