guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
