I hope mine doesn't look like that
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
