Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
