spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
