Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
