i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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