ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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