So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
