So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you will always have a special place in my vag
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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