how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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