At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
