Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
