I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
