wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
