it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
