My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
