is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
