Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
