I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
