Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
